take your hesitance and your self defense,
leave them behind,
it's only life,
don't be so afraid of facing every day,
just take your time,
it's only life,
i'll be your stepping stone,
don't be so alone,
just hold on tight,
it's only life,
oh...don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,

don't lose your faith,
don't run away, baby,
it's only life

Let the bass from the speakers run through ya sneakers

While I run, I listen to my ipod and lately I've been playing my "Love Out Loud" playlist--all the songs from the Workcamp program this summer.

Take it All by Hillsongs United is at the exact same beat as my pace when I run.

This is corny but today I was thinking about how anxious I am to start school because once senior year begins, it's going to be gone and then I'm going to have to make some extreme real life choices. If I let myself think about it too long, my heartbeat seriously rises because I get so worked up. Maybe I should use the song in my everyday life, rather than just when I run.

You sent your Son,
From heaven to earth.
Delivered us all,
It's eternally heard.
I searched for truth,
And all I found was You.
My God,
I'll only ever give my all.

Fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Morning

From now on I'm gonna start holding my breath
when you come around and you flex that fake grin,
cause something inside me has said more than twice
that breathing less air beats breathing you in.

Prayin for Daylight

"You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I couldn't be able to run a country, 'cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?"

- Brooke Hogan

Not that I ever though Brooke Hogan had some sort of massive intelligence behind her appearance in the media, but I always give the benefit of the doubt. A friend sent me this quote a few weeks ago and I'm just now dwelling on it. Brooke Hogan is becoming a media role model for young girls, whether she likes it or not, because she was a judge on America's Prom Queen and she has her own television show--both of which are watched by young teenage girls who are largely influenced by the media. Uggggggh! She wasted her breath after she was asked who she was voting for in the election, because this comment has done no one any good. Thank God for Rock the Vote and Declare Yourself, organizations who work hard to get young people at the polls, because as much as I hate to admit it, so much of America is influenced by the shiny people we see on tv.

what you feel is what you are and what you are is Beautiful

I wish I understood what C. S. Lewis was thinking as he wrote The Screwtape Letters. My crew and I read a chapter each night in order to spur conversation, and I've learned so much from just bits and pieces of his writings. He uses such big words (though I guess...they are the "right" words--as bigger words always are.) Hah. Anyways, I recommend the book if you're into learning new words!

Also, I've thought a lot about the chapter we read a few nights ago. It talked about Humility. I think that most of us consider the opposite of Humility is to be overly proud in our works--that is, thinking our talents are better than others', or that we're even more talented than anyone else and any (or every) aspect of our lives. Therefore, in attemps to be Humble in our every day lives, we push ourselves down and consider ourselves uglier than others, dumber than others, less creative than others, and we fail to take credit where credit is due.

To embrace Humility is to take pride in our works, but to not believe it is any better than others'. God has given us talents and when we don't embrace them, we're telling God He didn't do a good job. To be Humble is to know what you're good at and and to be confident, but to not compare ourselves to anyone else.

Can you imagine what the world would be if we didn't compare ourselves to other girls, other guys, to actors and actresses, to models in magazines and characters on TV?

So different--that is, if you're anything like me.

I've got a hand full of dreams and a heart full of God.

This camp is pretty amazing--who knew workcamp could be enjoyable as a summer staff?! Haha. Like I said before, I'm so grateful for the difference this summer is from two summers ago. Almost everything is perfect.

I say almost because last night I found myself missing Spring Hill. I was sulky, to say the least, especially as I listened to Tiffany talk about all the campers shes met and such. It makes me miss my campers as a counselor last summer. I miss inside jokes and gaining their approval as a counselor. As a red shirt staff, I don't get that same sort of affirmation. I shouldn't need it...but it's a struggle as I wish for it.

I also don't feel challenged spiritually here--but I guess that in itself is the challenge. At Spring Hill, I felt constantly challenged in my spiritual and prayer life because I was so aware of the impact it would have on my girls if I wasn't. Here, I don't feel that need, so in turn, I don't meet the challenge. God is using me in a different way this summer and I'm not sure how to meet it. I forget quiet time and it scares me that I'm not striving for it...

Lately I am constantly searching for my purpose here...I'm just unsure..."

I was sicky on Monday with some sort of tummy aches and I'm still exhausted from it, so I'm sure that has something to do with my contemplative mood recently.

The package I received from home and a note from a friend made me smile today (not that I need reasons to smile!), but thank you!

miss you.